Hail and hello my shadowy fiends,
Now listen up. This is important. As your Dark Arts Motivational Speaker and having bolded and underline the previous sentence for greater effect, grab a piece of paper and pen and get ready to take notes. Yes, it’s true. Today, we are going to talk about Warlock Fashion. I know some of my fellow undead and most members of the troll race don’t care about this subject but I tell you it IS important!
First off, Blizzard has put us in a box. They have created a set in stone image of evil-incarnate for us to live up to. Learn it, love it, live it – that will be our motto for today as we discuss the finer points in this post of what not to wear for warlocks. If you play a female warlock toon I have one word I want you to think of when choosing an outfit and that word is “Emo”. You can even conjure mental images in your mind of “Punk Rockers”, “Lady Gaga” or even “Amy Winehaus” as a your gold standard to find your demonic fashion style and you will be correct in your thinking. For true inspiration watch any episode of Miami Ink, pick out any of the female tattoo artists or a female customers and you’re gtg ftw!
Before we move on I think it’s important for us all to agree, so there is no longer any confusion, that we should always refer to of our female members with the title of Warlock. We should NOT to refer to them as witches because everyone knows if we go around calling female warlocks the title of witches either with a capitol “W” or with a “B” they tend to get cranky. Now that that point is cleared up let’s move on…
If your warlock’s race is either a Belf or Human female (on rare occasions Female Trolls too), anything resembling a G-String, chaps, or leggings is your best choice and it really won’t matter what you match to it because it will still look good. Being scantily clad will be your safe zone until you find your true sense of style. It’s the lower garment that ties everything together. Now for Belf females and Human females as far as chest coverings are concerned always go with something low-cut. The more skin you can show the better. As long as you stick to the word theme of “Emo” you’ll be just fine. Never let your Succubus steal your spotlight. How can the world see your true evil power if they are drooling over your minion instead? If you can’t look better than your succubus then please dismiss her and bring out your voidwalker. Don’t worry if you haven’t quite found the right look it will come in time. Until then, stick with your voidwalker and just tell other people you’re a mage. If they don’t believe you explain that your also a vanity-pet collector and then point at your voidwalker and ask them if they think your “water elemental” is cute. Don’t worry because by then you will have them convinced. As far as wearing your helmets or displaying your cape it won’t matter since no one will notice due to your almost naked lower half. Wear them or don’t wear them the choice is yours. Trust me, no one will notice. If you can’t make up your mind about helmets or capes then I say go for what’s most comfortable. Also, since G-strings, chaps and leggings do tend to chaffe make sure to pick up some Fish Oil supplies at the local AH. It really does help if applied correctly and it will help speed-up working on a good tan.
Now, if your female warlock’s race is anything other than a Belf or a human (and rare occasions for some Female Trolls), then your choices will be much different. If you are any other race other than Belf or human then please do not and I repeat, DO NOT wear a G-String, Chaps or Leggings. Doing so will make the rest of us look bad and the our threat and respect meters will drop like a mage without friends in a bg. Seriously. I know the temptation is there but just don’t do it. While you will still keep the “Emo” theme like your demonic sisters your goal is quite different. Cover everything up. I know mistakes can happen and it’s tough to always find what’s best but here is a simple test to check yo’ self and not wreck yo ‘self. First, look down at what you’re wearing. If you can see any shade of green skin or fur then you’re doing it wrong. The only skin or fur that should be allowed to be seen is your feet! Sometimes you might have to allow your fingers or neckline to show, but that is it. No exceptions! Also, just in case you haven’t already done so, make sure you to always keep your “Show Cloak” and “Show Helm” options selected. The show cloak option is there for safety in case you have anything that might be exposed on your backside. The longer the cape the better and you won’t go wrong. The show helm option is extremely important, particularly for our sister’s who unfortunately were born as a smaller race. Wearing a helm will allow them to look more dangerous and be taken more seriously than they otherwise would be. Not to point fingers but our female gnome sister’s really have an uphill battle to look good at being menacing or threatening. Here’s an example. Remember the Olsen twins when they were little babies on Full House? Imagine them running at you with daggers yelling they are going to kill you. When you stop laughing I’ll get to my point. You done yet? Okay, now imagine them wearing a Malefic or Corruptor helm doing the same thing. Creepy I know. See the difference? So, keep your helm and cloak showing and you too will always be gtg ftw!
Troll Females are the exception to the “More Skin Is Good Rule” that Belf and Human females can get away with. I think there may be some justification with showing something more revealing for our trolls sisters but it really has to be perfect, spot on…brilliant. Otherwise follow the rules in the paragraph above.
Finally, as female representatives of the Dark Arts you are hereby forbidden from dancing on any mailbox no matter how great you look in your Tmog. This is no joke. Mailbox dancing is something the lower caste classes of the world do. Mailbox dancing is be beneath
your our dignity. You’re a warlock and not a Nightelf or cheap nightclub entertainer or or possibly a Draeni (Yes, horns do look good on warlocks). I know this might be disappointing for some of you like our Gnome and goblin members but it really is all about respect. Now don’t be so disappointed. I never said you weren’t allowed to dance. Are you kidding? As warlocks should LOVE to dance especially when we look good in a great Tmog outfit! What I am trying to express is that dancing, like a good Tmog outfit, like casting yummy DoT spells, or knowing when to use your demonic portal all takes good timing. Like channeling fel-energies you will soon get a feel for it. Until then, here is some suggestions as when it’s best for warlocks to dance.
- If you are standing on an enemy’s corpse
- When you have cannibalized an enemy’s corpse
- When you killed a new batch or newly rezzed enemies at their GY
- After you’ve Soulstoned yourself when grouped with a mage or Spriest
- All Hallow’s Eve – Anywhere just not on a mailbox
See what I mean? It’s all about timing. Now enough with the dancing questions and let’s get back to talking about how
hot and sexy imposing we can look while still being hot and sexy.
Now, if you rolled a male warlock and you’re not of the Belf race, then there is a whole list famous names that should spring to your mind. Think “Ozzy Osbourne”, “Alice Cooper” or any member of the bands including “Kiss”, “Slipknot” or the “Insane Clown Possee”. For any of our male members who play the Belf class then there is not much
hopechoice for you other than stealing ideas from any of the 1980’s big-hair Glam Bands like “Poison” or “Twisted Sister”. For Belf male warlocks it’s also an important reminder to never, under no circumstances should you ever buy a G-String, Chaps or Leggings. I know you think you look good and in some cases you might but honestly it just doesn’t work no matter how well it matches the rest of your gear. I don’t think I should explain why.
For our Worgen bretheren you have two big No-No’s when it comes to fashion. First, never wear a top hat. Not ever! If you have to ask why then please give up the Dark Arts and head to the back of the mage line. If you don’t know how to get to the back of the mage line then just click here WWW.MYPRETTYPONY.COM. Second, you are no longer allowed to click on your Running Wild ability. Just tear it from your action bar now and forget it ever existed. How can you strike fear or impose your will against an enemy when running around on all fours like your felhound? Plus, in battlegrounds if you have any enemies with any sense (usually an Alt of a Warlock) they will go after your felpuppy pet first and you don’t want there to be any confusion between it and you. The other reason comes back to the respect factor again. As male warlocks you really do have it easy when it comes to fashion, there really is no set theme or rules so have fun with your mogging.
Tips for what not to wear when shopping on the AH. As warlocks in general, when you go shopping on the AH or if you get lucky and the RNG gods smile down and grace you with winning a nice drop then there is a set list we need to follow to make sure we are upholding to the Warlockery Way. (This is another good spot where you should be taking notes) Let’s play pretend that we’re at the AH and we happen across a good-looking Tmog piece that is being sold at a decent price and not by a player who has an insane markup value. (Remember this for the future reference, when the warlock revolution starts – all AH players and market manipulators are the first to burn and will remain marked as KOS!). But, before you click the “buy” button we need ask ourselves what I like to call the “Is it Warlock Gear” Checklist:
- Is this something a mage would wear?
- Is this is something a Spriest who dreams of SWTOR and rolling a Jedi would wear?
- Is this item any color other than black, dark black, light black, dark red or dark purple or dark green?
- Does this item have more than 25% of any other color besides dark black, dark red or dark purple or dark green?
- Did this item have +Spirit on it?
If you answer “yes” to any of the above questions then your doing it wrong This is NOT acceptable! Now, if you are still gandering at the said item and were able to honestly answer “No” to the above questions then start by asking yourself if it would then fall under the “Is It Important For A Warlock Checklist”:
- Would this item conceal blood stains?
- Does this item have enough pocket space for any daggers, sharp objects, poisons, soulshards, your cookies and all of your gold?
- Does this item have crude drawing or picture of a skull on it?
- Does it have a real skull on it?
- Does it have anyting that resembles bones, spikes, smoke or fire?
- If I run destro is this item fire-resistant?
If you answered “No” to any of these questions then your still doing it wrong! This is NOT acceptable! If however, you were able to answer “Yes” then you’ll make yourself and our great class proud.
Now we come to our last lesson in what not to wear for warlocks. This last section is quite easy but we must ALL agree to follow it. It will cover the basics of the tier sets that many of you drool in anticipation to collect. Malefic Rainment and the Corruptor sets for both the original and the recolor sets should only be worn once a year during the “All Hallow’s Eve” Event. Yes, I understand their simplicity and beauty truly compliment our imposing stature, but if every warlock on your server was wearing them it will be quite confusing for all. Plus, if we wear them too much they will lose their epic feel and will be reduced to the unimportance of something as a common a mage’s Lovely Blue Dress any other common items such as fel-cloth. If you own any of the PvP Lvl 60 then please, wear that item all the time and wear them with pride. Tier sets other than Malefic and Corrputor are safe. All Dungeon sets are safe so go for it. Green Item sets? Possibly. As long as your following the our rules of what not to wear you will be fine.
Here is my last juicy tip for the lesson – go to WWW.CURSE.COM and download their MOGIT addon. There is no better or faster way to get started on your gear collections. But before you thank me for passing along this wonderful tool and savy advice, I ask that you take the time to write the addon developers instead. If you can afford it, pass along a small donation. All of them are talented and deserve the accolades.